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  2009.11.29  21.18
This is what love looks like.

I am posting this here because I need to vent and I dont feel like anyone would care. I am going through a rough time right now. It's been a month since Rob and I broke up. I have done nothing but cry. I can't focus on anything. I can't do homework, or work without worrying about what hes doing. He keeps making it worse by calling me and taking me out to dinner. He called me to come over last Wednesday. He tried to get me to spend the night but I thought I was too smart for that, i told him I had work on Thanksgiving and I went home. Then he called me on Thanksgiving, and again on Friday. He took me out to dinner after work and spent the night at my house. Nothing happened, we just cuddled and he told me how cute he thought I was and so on and so on. Then the next day I go to work and call him afterwards and he acts like he doesnt want to talk to me. Yesterday he did the same thing and then called back and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with him. At dinner he didnt want to hold my hand or give me anything to work with.....Then when I was leaving he gave me a quick kiss, hugged me, said my name and went home. I texted him to thank him for dinner and he didnt respond. It hurts, and it hurts alot. I dont know what to do. If I dont stop caring Im going to go crazy. Tomorrow is his birthday and I want to get him ice cream and balloons and a card and watch him smile and be happy and he doesn't even want me to. He said we will talk tomorrow....maybe its just his way of putting it off. I wish I could stop, and just accept that it isnt my job to make him happy anymore. This is his fault, he obviously doesn't know what he wants. Not that Im ready for this but I thought he wanted to marry me one day, he said he did. If he didnt mean it then it is the worst thing that anyone has ever said to me and I should never talk to him again. I think Im going to end my rant here before I start crying again.


  2008.12.06  02.49
cant sleep

Ok so Im out of ideas. I 've been trying to sleep for a couple of hours now but no dice. I have a cold for the second time in the last 3 weeks and I have alot to do tomorrow. Work in the morning and then a dinner/dance. Rob calls it the mafia dinner/dance because its a dinner for italian americans. I will feel out of place and have a hard time understanding everyone around me but I'm sure it will be a good time. Nothing a few drinks wont cure. After that I'll be speaking my own language and the feeling will be mutual....I havent updated this thing in a long time so heres the scoop. Im on break from school. Im working at game stop with erin, and the pointe with josie. Both places have their ups and downs. I need money and its cool to work somewhere with your friends. I wish I had more stories with them but everyone is so busy that we havent really gone out in a while. I only get to see my boyfriend late at night before i go to bed. Now that Im on break Im going to see everyone a little more hopefully. So heres a quick update.... I started dating a new guy somewhere between 7 months ago and 3 years..... long story. I spend alot of time with this guy now and Ive been pleasantly surprised by how much better things are with him than I expected. Erin always called it. I guess  I always expect the worst so Ill never be disappointed by the outcome. So yeah this guy is great. Hes gorgeous, tall, dark hair, speaks italian, smells good, has a very interesting personality, he can cook, looks very good in a suit, goes to college, and he has a job! What a catch. No drugs, drinking, or strange habits beyond gambling but even that  I havent seen him  do in the last 7 months.  I can't find anything really wrong with him. Believe me ive looked, I over analyze everything. He gets an A+ in every boyfriend cateogorey so far. The only negative thing is he can be a real asshole sometimes but Ive never met anyone who could counter my asshole attacks quite like him. So its a good thing. He said "ive had just about enough of your shit" and I admire the fact that he actually said that to me. Not that Im gonna stop giving him shit but i find it cute that he was trying to lay down the law with me. I actually folded and went to dinner at his parents house that night just because he said that.  So yeah everything is good there. He recently told me he loved me. I said Its about fucking time.Which is how I felt about it but at the same time I think it just means more because he waited so long to say it. Some people just throw it out there right away and it means nothing Id rather wait 10 years for it to actually happen than 3 months with someone who says it because theyve been with you awhile. It was so hard for him to get it out but at the same time I knew it was going to happen, like he couldnt keep it to himself much longer. Its still so weird because he doesnt seem like the type to say it. Hearing it just freaked me out but I was excited...I squeaked alot cause I couldnt believe what I heard.  I dont deal well with that sort of thing and it was just as hard for me to get out. Now its easier.  I know I mean it too. I might have meant it much earlier but thats something you want to be sure about.  So yeah thats pretty much all the highlighted events. Im going to bed now. wish me luck.

Mood: sick

  2008.01.06  13.49
"Here lies the greatest dictator since Adolf Hitler" ;)

So I'm at work again...bored. Big surprise. I had one hour of sleep last night. (I do that on saturdays/sundays) Josie called in sick today and I panicked....not that shes not allowed to be sick but Im pretty sure if I stay here for an additional 8 1/2 hours I will die or pass out. If I pass out then the whole place will come crashing down and Ill be in trouble....if I die....well then I wont have anything to worry about. Another lady who works with me is coming to save me. Praise the great ju ju of the mountain  ;) I might be going back to school tomorrow which is funny because Im not registered. There is a hold on my account that should have been lifted a long time ago but no one will let me talk to the right lady about it, so heres my plan.... Im going to school anyway...registered or not. That way I dont have to wait for her to correct it before I come back...which would result in me missing a weeks worth of classes.  Pretty good plan huh? I personally think its hilarious. Im stickin it to the man.  So aside from that I got many good presents from santa this year :) More than I outwardly asked for.  I got a GPS for my car..I wish I had one back when I used to get lost downtown. What else? Oh yeah, my sister is dating someone...thats new.  He's really cool and he lets me call him names like "you motherfucker" without getting offended. Most importantly-hes good to her and he takes her out alot and buys her lots of things. She deserves that.  Im STILL trying to put a music project together. I really need to just do this thing. Im supposed to meet with someone later tonight but he has to call me and I dont know if he will. Im not getting my hopes up too much these days.  Worse case scenerio, Ill take what Ive already recorded myself and finish it. Its been a cool break. Alleys been living with me for the last 4 months, but she just quit her job so she might be going back home. We went to Erin's house for New Years Eve. I stopped at my friend bryans house first just to drop by and say hi, then I proceeded through the terrible snow storm to Erins'. I didnt get there till like 10:30....which was cutting the New Year a little close. My sister and Jay came over to Erin's, which was cool cause we had a nice little gathering. Josie and Charlie were there, and then Patrick showed up too. We watched 300 (holy crap) hot guys who look like they were cut out of stone....in little speedo things, sandals, and a cape. Personally I would have chosen to wear more clothes while going into battle...maybe some body armor or something...but for the sake of that movie Im glad they didnt.  Let me work my way backwards now...back to santa claus, I got a chance to paint. I painted a picture with acrylics (my favorite) as a gift. I said I was gonna do it and I did. I made a blue lilly and a tiger lilly real up-close, and bright. I also made wreaths out of glittery ribbons and bells and other crazy christmas stuff.  In other news, I just saw a movie called "Jesus Camp." whoah is it scary.  Some big fat lady making little kids cry, and telling them to repent! What the hell have they done? She literally said she wanted them to be willing to die for their faith. Wow. So yeah watch that movie if you want to get good and pissed off at evangelicals. Crazy assholes.  I dont have much more to say, Im leaving work soon. I want to go to bed. Ill update this again soon.

Mood: tired

  2007.08.05  14.43
Weekend at Betty's?

So its been over a year since I've posted anything in this journal, but Im bored out of my mind and desperate times call for desperate measures.  Alot has happened over the last year. My band broke up in January when Jonny joined an emo band while I was on vacation in the Florida keys.  So when I got home I tried to put a project together with an old friend who turned out to be the biggest liar/double crosser I've ever met. He moved here from seattle to "play guitar" for me. But really all he was interested in was a relationship. He wanted me to move out with him and pretty much joked all the time about getting married and having kids. Well I dont think his jokes were very funny, so I let him down as gently as I could and he snapped. He went insane after that point, screaming at me for no reason.  So needless to say, he had to go. I had spent my entire school quarter without sleep or money because I spent every waking minute with him driving him around or working on music with him until all hours of the night. So regrets? yes I have many regarding that whole thing. But if you ask anyone else who was involved, I called the whole thing at least a month in advance. He has now safely returned to New Orleans....with his new wife to be. Yes his marriage is an ironic twist to the story. She must have been his second choice;) (ego) Anyway Im closing the book on that, I do however wish him harm. I recovered very quickly. I began writing my own music. I had my drummer back and my keyboardist. Now Jonny's back too. I quit my job for 4 months and now Im back at work again. Its not so bad, its just gonna be rough when I go back to DePaul. This summer has been amazing. Non-stop partying and meeting new people. Erin and I got a chance to get close again. We've been just about everywhere this summer and anywhere we go we start trouble ;-) the good kind of trouble. We basically make things interesting and entertain ourselves.  Josie and I always seem to have adventures. We could write a book.  Each day theres something new.

Mood: tired

  2006.03.28  23.22

What's really going on
LJ Username
Is DEEPLY in love with you stellarfixation
Just wants to fuck you stellarfixation
Found you from a reccomended friend qtwitabooty6
Is planning to kidnap you shfifty_five
Is stalking you shfifty_five
How cool you are - 100%
This fun quiz by ensetsu - Taken 4002 Times.
New - Help with love and dating!


  2006.01.25  08.58

Ignore any mmispellings im too tired an lazy to correct them however i know they exist. thanks

Mood: tired

  2006.01.25  08.50
Fire on the disco!

Ok, since the holidays alot has happened. I went to florida for 10 days. It would have been longer but I had to return for a tech meeting on the 10th which caused me some problems at work. I got in trouble for switching days with JosAY cause I didnt tell my boss I was going to...and she decided while i was gone to have a meeting that day. Oh well. How the hell was I supposed to know it would ruin her plans. It doesnt really matter cause I went to both meetings that day anyhow. On a lighter note my trip to florida was awesome. We went to Ft lauderdale Orlando Key West, and Kissimee. Key West was my favorite. We went to a Pirate museum and took a ghost tour through town. Pat pet some sharks and most of the time we spent either at the gym or swimming in a gorgeous pool with a waterfall. I went to univeral studios with Pat and Tristan, my friend from Ft Lauderdale. We had a lot of fun together going on rides and eating over priced food. Our vacation video rocks...you should see it sometime. As soon as I came back I had a show to play at the Note. More good news. We made it to the second level of our competition. We are now one show away from playing the Double Door. After the Double Door comes the metro. Weve got alot of promotional stuff to do in order to pull this off. I started school back up. Ive got a probabilities and statistics class, ethics, speech, and biology class this semester. Its all very demanding but at least Im interested in what Im doing. Ive been playing more video games lately, almost everyday for a couple hours it seems. Im not ignoring the important things in life yet but Id hope that if I do go back into video gamer mode...my friends would pull me back into reality. Ive seen people get sucked in before ;) Aside from that, I got alot of other neat gifts for christmas including a cd that I found on the window of my car, thank you by the way. I got lots of DVDs and rewritalbe Cds. It was a very Merry Christmas for me. I need to get Alley and Bryan gifts. Theyre birthdays just past. Alley of course wants something Inuyasha Im guessing. Tabby cat got my a new purse with stars all over it. I still need to go get that from her. I went ot a meeting on Saturday at a bar and met alot of other musicians from chicago. Some new friends include Jason and Jander. Jason works at the pearl room in Mokena, and Jander is a DJ in a goth club downtown. DJ Jander. Saturday night I went to a show with Jander Kyle and my friend Jessica. We met up with Orville and saw alot of people that we knew from highschool. Aarons band played first, and then Justins. The show was free, so it was packed to capacity. It was freezing outside and we couldnt get in until a certain amout of people left. After we got in, it was grossly hot in there and smelled like B.O. So we left to find some food at Applebees. Then I saw ANOTHER old friend, Erin from gradeschool and highschool. She had some interesting news for me. What a weird day that was for sure but Im glad it happened. Tomorrow Im going to an underwater Archaeology meeting in chicago. Im not sure why, im just gonna go see what happens, Maybe theyll let me explore a shipwreck in the summer. That owuld be real fun. Im gonna go to bed now though. I need to get up in like 3 hours. Chow

Mood: sleepy

  2005.12.23  18.37

Im updating now because Im gonna be busy the next couple of days for X mas. Ive been shopping all week, which was alot of fun believe it or not. I went Christmas shopping with Alley and we drove all over. She bought me some cool stuff while we were there cause it was easier for me to just pick out stuff. Im an impulse shopper and a consumer whore says Alley. I got her an Inuyasha T-shirt. It was so crowded there that all the ATMs were drained and we had to walk to Lasalle bank so she could use her card. Damn it was cold, and I was up to my knees in snow. Wednesday morning Kyle came over and woke my ass up. He was ringing the doorbell until I went insane and got up to kill him. We went to guitar center, where I saw a ton of stuff I wanted but couldnt buy right now cause I still had a lot of shopping to do. I did buy a guitar strap for 30 dollars. Ive got to go get some suitcases for traveling before thursday. I begged my mom until she said shes gonna take me to NASA for a day when were out there. Im really excited. Maybe Ill get a tan while Im in florida, but I really doubt it. Im probably going to Tristan's brothers house for a BBQ on New Years day. I might lay down some vocal tracks for him too while im there. Might as well. I did my final shopping yesterday for Patrick, I went to the mall with my friend Tabby. She found it really funny the way I drive in the parking lots. We ran into Justin and I talked to him for awhile and continued my shopping. Later on we met up with an old friend and got some Auntie Annes. Then we drove Tabby Cat home and watched stupid online videos all night it was pretty sweet, except Im sooooo tired right now at work. I slept like 4 hours and we have girl scout Carol-ers here singing to us right now which is making my head pound. Merry Christmas everyone, for those of you that I will not see until after the holidays. Ive gotta start planning my New Years Resolution! Ive got a lot of shit I need to settle.


  2005.12.13  03.54
The Truth Just Killed Us

So I finally picked my classes, its taken way too long if you ask me. Ive got another Philosophy because im good at that. Ive got math, com, and I took Natural Science, but I may change it to Bio at the last minute. Actually, Id really like to take Physical Science because then I can rock out the telescope like Carl Sagan. I finished two finals today. Yay me! only two more to go. Im somehow getting an A in my Geology class even though I never go to it. I dont know what Im getting in math because my teacher disappeared or something and weve got some random substitute who doesnt have his grade book....Its times like these wish i believed in something. on a light note... Im going on vacation very soon. Ill be in Florida for a week with patrick, it would be 2 but Im coming home for a sound check at the Note. If I dont, then things will get fucked up the night of the show. Im excited about X-Mas. I put up a pretty tree. It has blue glittery ornaments, and white lights. I also did some X-Mas shopping. I think im gonna buy my dad a playstation 2. He asked me if I use mine anymore hahaha, silly old man, of course I do! So yeah, he wants to play some new war game. Ill just get him both. Im debating whether I should throw a Christmas Party or not. Im in so many grab bags, I dont know what to do. The Exchanging of gifts needs to be worked into my schedule. Id also like to plan a trip downtown....now it would be the third time Ive been downtown this month already, but I havent gone shopping on Michegan Ave. yet this year so Ill hop back on the train and freeze my ass off again. It'll be worth it. Last week I was down there twice to go to two different museums. I went to the Field museum the first time so I could write an extra credit paper for Geology but the Life over Time exhibit was closed. So the I THOUGHT I was going to go to Chipotle but I couldnt remember where the hell it was on Michegan so a nice CTA worker gave me a phone book to call them. and guess what....the guy says "were closing early today, were going to a christmas party" im like ok....damn it....is there another location around here? and hes like "yes but were all going to the party" Bastards, I had been planning that whole trip for weeks and it sucked. So again I had to go downtown a couple days later to the Oriental Institute at the University of Chicago Campus. This was a manditory project for Archaeology. I only had an hour to spend there, and this time i drove. We took notes and got the hell out of there cause I had other plans that day. When i talked to my Geology teacher she said I could have gone to the pompeii exhibit instead....bitch. So I was going to go back, but who has the time for that. I didnt like rushing through the museums the first 2 times.

Mood: tired

  2005.11.26  22.21
the line begins to blur...

Today started out with a bang. Ok more like a doorbell ringing and ringing and ringing until I finally drug my ass out of bed. Well Steve was here early. My alarm still had 15 minutes before it was supposed to go off. I even set that to be for an hour before Steve was supposed to be there. So I got up, had a glass of water and talked to steve before I got ready to go. We went out for lunch and then went shopping before practice. It was cool to just hang out with Steve and talk about things. Practice went the way it usually does, we pulled a MacGuiver with recording b/c jonny forgot his protools soundcard. The recording sounded like shit, but its just a rough copy for me to write lyrics to. Then we proceeded to dinner at Beggars Pizza as usual, we had to wait forever to be waited on, and hence got %50 off our meal. :) hooray! they didnt even spit in our food. So Now that Im home, Ive been doing alot of thinking about which classes to pick for this semester.I want a philosophy, astronomy, and music theory class for sure. Just need to pick two more and Ill be set. I signed my band up for the Emergenza Festival. We spoke with an A&R rep out in Niles on Monday. We get to play at the Note in chicago. This place is awesome so I really look forward to playing there. We get to tell the sound guy all our presets on the amps 4 days in advance and then they'll have roadies at the show to set it up before we march on stage. How about that for service? Anyways, its a competition and If we win we get to go on to round two at the Double Door. If were one of the finalists at the Double door, we get to play metro. Then Ill be truly happy. But get this, if we win at Metro, we get to play in germany and we get three free weeks recording in Sweden. That would be awesome. Ill keep my fingers crossed. My drummer may be out for surgery again so thats making me nervous. Ive gotta jet right now, Ive got a project due tuesday for my Archaeology class. chow

Mood: hopeful

  2005.11.17  20.54
The end of Tragic Vitality....

It seems like Im always in the mood to post right after a show or some big event. I guess otherwised Id have nothing to say, and maybe just ramble on about things that I really should try to forget as that seems to be the trend. I guess Ill start off with the show from last saturday. Amazing. The day started off really shitty, well it was awesome...shitty....shittier....than awesome again. Eric came out to see me play. Hes being a good supportive friend, and I can live with that. We hung out and waited for steve to stop by my house to drag me out on time. side note* Ive been making myself ill over this show for weeks, seriously sick to my stomach trying to plan and promote this show. Imust have told over 300 people about it. We filmed a DVD for promotional purposes, but this wasnt like our last DVD. We had 3 cameras set up to record, Eric was nice enough to set up one of them, and we had a guy come out to record sound separately so that it doesnt sound like ass, aka video camera sound. This whole thing was a gamble because the last show we played at that venue had terrible sound/soundguy. I spent over 100 dollars on a Tragic Vitality banner for the show. Its about time we had that done. I recovered my amp with white vinyl, to match my white guitar. I wanted my bass player to buy a white gibson thunderbird bass, but it wasnt at guitar center anymore, and they tried to cheat him when he said he would trade his sunburst gibson in. So me jon and jerry had white instruments. Jerry? yeah, he has officially taken over Bryans position as keyboardist. How did this happen? well...long story short. I met up with him after a show and mentioned Bryans Departure. Bryan moved out, he has two jobs and hes going back to school. Oh yeah, and he had a girlfriend...so he didnt have time understandably. Well jerry volunteered for the position, promised detication and contributed plenty of money. He even moved downtown so that he could be closer to us. Damn. Hes a genius, he writes amazing things, and he brings us crazy ass samples every weekend. So Thats that. We were all on stage, dressed up and waiting for everything to go wrong, but luckily it didnt. The show started, the sound kicked ass and we brought out tons of people. My friend Tabitha bought me the boxset of Mr. Show and gave it to me before I played. So when we were done, I was bruised up and bleeding, the way a show should end. Jerrys sugar was low so he had to leave pretty fast, but he did an awesome job. He fixed our sampler and recovered all the samples. I was excited about playing "amory" again with samples. I cant wait to start mixing the video of that show. Other strange happenings in the past week are as follows. The other night I went to Steak and Shake with jonny. This was about midnight and we saw a table full of business people having a meeting. There are two things wrong with this picture. #1 It was midnight #2 It was steak and shake! so yeah, we ordered our food and one of the business dudes came over to our table and started talking to us. He pretended that he had seen us around and then began asking us questions like Where do you go to school? How old are you? What do you do for a living? and we were like...ok its no secret and we told him, well he asked us what else we do in our spare time, and were like "we play music" so then this complete stranger just went on and on about how great it was to be doing something with our lives other than just your regular "go to college get a job" plan. So he really got me thinking about that. Personally I couldnt be happy with just making good money. Playing music is expressive, admired, and potentially good money. Even if it fails, Im having the time of my life just trying to make it. If I were to think back to when I was 12 years old, when I wanted to start the band, I would never have thought Id be in Chicago playing clubs in the future. I thought...Wow a block party! or Wow so and so's festival! Which is a very small step in the ladder. So yeah Im very proud of my music and the decisions Im making right now. Im doing well at school, even though I havent decided my major entirely. I know more about what I dont want to do than what I do want to do. Whatever I end up doing, I know it will be something IM interested in. Basically nothing can stop me, I've got my friends, my dreams, and my wonderful boyfriend to keep me happy. Ive been trying to get more excited about holidays(like throwing parties)and Im going to florida at the end of december!(hopefully steves diet he put me on will get me ready for the beach) This has so far been a great year, minus my illness last month, but that made me appreciate everything alot more. oh yeah, and Im changing my bands name pretty soon. To what? thats in the works. Tragic Vitality will always have a special meaning to me. Its just not who I am anymore.

Mood: productive

  2005.08.26  22.27
when did i last update this thing?

Hello all, Im at work right now and Ive decided to update this cause Ive got absolutely nothing better to do. Im really out of ideas right now...I dont want to get sucked into the old people type behavior...playing cards and whatnot. Lots has been happening. Ive made a few old friends new friends again. I hang out with Jerry all the time, at least once or twice a week. I hung out with Alley the other day, we went to the mall and played video games at my house. Kinda like old times. Shes only about a 15 minute drive from my house, so thats cool. I started back to school. Ive got some neat classes, all of my teachers are really nice. Thats a first. The band is doing well. Cant complain. We played a show with my cousins band up in Concord WI, last weekend and we rocked the place. I crashed at an amazingly awesome apartment in the city last saturday night. Jerry was house sitting for his friend mandy and what a house it was. We went to the Pick Me Up restaurant on clark and paid way too much for our food. But it was good, pat enjoyed the star wars table we sat at. Kyle, Bram, and Kelly were there too. I always seem to have a lot of fun on nights I play shows as a matter of fact weve got a show coming up in September. Pats birthday and Steves wedding are going to be in the same weekend, so I dont know how the hell im gonna pull that off. Im going to be a bridesmaid in the wedding, ive got the dress, its pretty. Well thats all for now. chow!

Mood: bored

  2005.05.02  01.27
Just one more day.

May 3rd the NIN cd comes out! thats tomorrow! I already bought it, i just have to go pick it up tomorrow at Tower Records in Chicago. Cant wait to hear it again. The listening party was cool but Id like to listen to it alone for awhile, enjoy it. Saturday I had to work at the highschool as a testing administrator. I had only slept a few hours cause my sister kept me up talking the night before. It sucked, they must hate me or something. They let everyone else slack off. Ive only worked for them once before and they had me fill in for the teachers while they were on break. I didnt have a clue what to do, I figured it out...but still, it was so unfair. May 1st was jonnys b-day so i got him a cure cd and a book written by carl sagan. I went to drop it off at Beggars Pizza and locked my Keys in my car. Why would I do such a dumb thing? well... Corsone called me, distracted me while i was digging in the back seat for jons gifts...and i left the car after locking it. So i was about to scream. I called my parents. no dice... they were so pissed that i never had a spare key made..that they were like "too bad" so that was that. Then I heard this little old man say "oh darn where are my keys" he meant house keys but i thought he locked his keys in his car too, so I asked if he did. Then the guy that was with him said "wheres your car,ill get the keys out!" He was a Mechanic, and knew how to do it. Lucky me, I didnt have to pay $60 for the tow guy to come out. After that I ate some pizza and went home to watch Kramer vs. Kramer, one of my favorite movies. They dont make movies like that anymore. Everythings the same.

Mood: thirsty

  2005.04.29  19.54
My Birthday and other event type stuff

Last saturday I had my birthday party after band practice. We had a real good practice, everything sounded very clear and together. Then I went and picked up Jo-say. I got some really neat gifts from her mom, and then we proceeded to pick up Mr. Patrick. The guys were already at my apartment talking about god knows what with my sister when i got there. I ordered a pizza, correction** I ordered like 4 pizzas. and we still have some left but not much. We played DDR for awhile, Jon and Bryan hogged it the whole time ;) That was alot of fun. Erin and Bryce showed up during the food and dancing part of the night, and then I opened up my presents and we all packed into cars and drove out to the bowling alley. I played an Aerosmith arcade game with patrick. Kyle said he knew how to get a secret video of aerosmith at the end...what a buttrocker. After sucking at bowling for a few hours we went back to the apartment to eat cake and ice cream. The a erin bryce larry and pat stuck around to watch spaceballs. I had been exhausted from only sleeping like 4 hours the night before, cause i was up shopping and cleaning all night. I got some cool gifts from everyone. Steve got me a box of giant pixies and another gift that got alot of attention. (omg gross) Pat framed a picture of us for me, bought me a rod iron mosaic table, a PIRATE flag, the movie the graduate, a NIN tank top, and a neon guitar clock, Erin got me some cats and ramen noodles soup (just like old times) Josie gave me monies in a really cute card :) and she brought ddr (which we all had alot of fun with), her mom got me a traffic light bank, monies, and a little light up crystal guitar (very cute), Jonny got me 3 canvases, a paint brush set, a mixing dish, acrylic paints and a color wheel, Bryan got me the new
Beck Cd, and five bucks, kyle got me some guitar picks(which i desperately needed cause he steals them from me at band practice)Larry bought me flowers, and Jessica got me a gift card for Best Buy. My mom and her friend Karen got me gift cards for Kohls. My momma also paid for the bowling, my sister gave me 200 dollars for the party food and everything extra, and my daddy is still getting me that I book Mac. I feel real spoiled. The part I liked the most is that EVERYONE i invited to the party showed up. I didnt expect as much as I got. So I had a really good weekend. This weekends gonna be less fun. Thursday night i had to work, then this morning (friday) I had school then work again, then I get out at 11:30pm and have to get up at 6am tomorrow to work again at the highschool for 12 hours. Busy Busy Busy.

Mood: busy

  2005.04.14  13.13
When will I learn?

Lots has happened since I last updated this thing. Played a battle of the bands last weekend. That was interesting. Didnt promote it much cause I just started a new receptionist job, but strangly lots of people showed up anyhow. The battle was fixed, as usual, it was at Morton College...and seeing as were not from morton college we had a slight disadvantage, but we still had them matched up till the 3rd time everyone voted. Then our people were getting sick of waiting and listening to the othe bands. Even the anouncers voted for us! Well whatever, we had a good time, got to play out. I was nervous again, thats what happens when we dont play for months. Next thing, the new job, I dont really mind this one too much. Have you ever dreamed of a job where you would get paid for doing nothing? or You dont have a Manager watching your every move over your shoulder? Ive just come across it, and its wonderful. If you dont have much outside work that needs to be done I wouldnt recommend it, youd be bored out of your mind. I, however, have alot of extra things Id like to do which requires a lot of time, a computer, and a desk......like homework, songs to write, drawing, computer animaton, webdesign...reading... So this job is perfect for me...and its only 2 days a week, so now i can exercise, go bowling with josie, spend time with Patrick, hang out with people i havent seen in decades, ya know..just things that I couldnt have done in my free time if I actually had to work. So goodbye to the medical office i was working in, that drove me nuts and squeezed every drop of work out of me like a boa constricter killing its prey. I took that shit for 3 years? I must have been crazy. Nobodies prying into my business at work anymore, unless they are people I know who desearve to know or that one old lady sitting by the door all the time that seems to know everything. This job will be a lot more fun once i get my own computer, Daddys buying one for me for my birthday so Im excited. Only 10 more days till im 19. I need to think of a party stradegy, I went for pizza and bowling last year, Im going to a shooting range for Patrick's brothers birthday, maybe ill see how that goes and then decide ;) Well thats all for now, gotta go pick up my check.

Mood: creative

  2005.01.05  22.48
From now on Im waiting for you.

Oh wow...i hit rock bottom for awhile. Ulcer thing i mentioned before turned into a hospital trip. Yeah, that was not fun....had to have the new bf wash out my bucket of vomit! yum yum...then sit in the waiting room at the hospital for hours while they hydrated me...apparently i took too many motrins and it ripped up my stomach lining which had already been screwed up from the ulcer.I was given meds and felt much better by the time i returned home. but thats not all that happened that week. After my recovery....I found myself in a whole new bad situation. I was driving Patrick to his Neophyte standing show...and crashed my car. Totaled it... Some lady decided to drive 45 miles per hour down a dark street with no lights on...that was fun. My face was swollen bruised and bloody for a week, im all good now. I was all freaked out....thinking...I need a new car...what am i gonna do now...how am i getting to work? Well my boss picked me up for a few days, then i bought a new car..a nicer one ;) and Im back to square one about to start school again. Lots of excitement for a lil jenny...too much actually. Im going to go rest now before something bad happens

Mood: relaxed

  2004.12.06  07.34
Wake from your Poses...

What a weekend...whew Right this second i should be getting up and ready for school but im not. Had a major ulcer last night and cant sleep. Hurts to move actually. Im waiting for patrick to come back to my house so we can sleep then go downtown and see the christmas decor. My ulcer is probably a result of his psycho ex girlfriend who just wont go away. She is constantly following him around, calling him, and requesting his pity. Hes a nice guy so he kinda goes along with it but recently her grandmother died, and instead of telling me about it, he went to the wake and then said he was home all night. Now why wouldnt he tell me that? so i got upset. Something I do frequently. Its really hard to believe that he would lie to me. I was so convinced that he was telling me the truth about everything since last weekend when he told me for the first time that he loved me. So I was contemplating dumping him, not because I wanted to, but because I laid down the rules with him regarding this girl, and said that since she kissed him at his house that one time..I didnt want him to talk to / see her anymore, and if he did, then he wouldnt see me anymore. I know it seems a little harsh, but ive been hurt before and he promised that it wouldnt be a problem for him. So here she is waiting like a vulture for him. telling him shes sorry about telling me about it, and he can call her anytime. Well too bad bitch! He was so upset over this that he rode his bike in the freezing rain to my house just to express how serious he was about us. I never doubted that he loved me, I just felt like she was interfering too much...so annoyed. Now i think things are going to be better. He doesnt seem to be so naive about her liking him....he used to tell me that she gets it and shell go away. Now he said he doesnt care if she doesnt get it, hes done with feeling sorry for her. I feel really close to him on so many levels. I think hes highly considering marriage. I would usually think that was an insane thing to do, but it feels different this time. If hes serious then i might be getting married....I guess time will tell. In other news, Patrick and I went to the Digital Kill show the other day. Eric called me up and requested that I go. I didnt have money so pat said hed pay for it and off we went. It was an experimental music showcase, and overall I thought it was a great show. I called eric to get him to turn around and to my surprise he was a dick and hung up the phone. It was the funniest thing ive ever seen. His girlfriend was telling him to answer it, and Pat was screaming "YEAH JUST ANSWER IT' but he chose to ignore it for whatever reason...then he was trying to play it off like he wouldnt have been able to hear me...but it was between sets. Very funny. saturday morning I had band practice. Kyle was rapping....It was awesome. I got some of it on tape, cant wait to release it with our collage of tragic vitality shows. May offend some people though lol anyway, im gonna take a 10 minute nap now and wait for pat to return. Night

Mood: annoyed

  2004.10.23  09.54

Ive got a Big show coming up. Makes me nervous..gotta impress. Lots has happened over the last month or so. I finally met the guy ive been stalking at school ha! The first day of school I saw this hot guy in my com class. Huge distraction, every day Id sit there staring at him. Hed catch me sometimes then id get embarassed and hide my face. I had a problem..you can ask this girl steph she knows all about it. In fact i probably bothered her the most about it. Well anyways..Shes been trying to help create an opportunity for me to talk to him. She even helped me to get the chance to sit next to him in class...where i discovered that hes the bass player from a band ive seen and that we played shows with them 3 times. I felt like an idiot...why didnt i know that from the begining? My memory sucks thats why. So yeah as soon as i found that out I ran home and went the their site...cause of course i knew where to find my eye candy. I got his screen name off the site and put it on my list for days. Most of the time i was too afraid to talk to him, but then i got the guts to and spent like 5 hours online talking to him. He said he wanted to borrow the dvd of one of my shows..so I let him. The next day at school i asked if he would be online later and he said he would. so all damn day i went online checking for him but he didnt sign on till really late...then when he had to go I got his number. that same night i met up with him, found out he did the same thing..got my screen same off the site the day he knew who i was and now hes my boyfriend. Strange how things work out sometimes...he liked me too. I felt i needed to introduce him to some of my friends because I wanted to make sure he got their seal of approval. Im more than %100 percent happy with him, but sometimes people can overlook simple issues that become problems later. I dont think there will be one. Everyone likes him. Hes perfect for me thus far. Our personalities work well together..and that says alot. This past weekend, i spent hanging out with Pat and Erin. We watched movies, sat around, went for pizza...just basic hang out type things and it was awesome, felt right. Like there wasnt anything else i could be doing that would have been better. Ive been going to band practice and writing music. Everything is balanced, but only of course because I cut sleep out of my schedule...its 10 am on Saturday..am i sleeping? no. Will I? Maybe I clapse to the floor later on..but I dont intend to. As for other people in my life...I heard from jerry and mike this weekend. Jerrys girlfriend cheated on him again. He left me for her so it kinda makes me feel good but still i pity him, he couldnt help that he still iked her when we had our "fling" I knew it anyways. Hes not been disrespectful of me, just had left over feelings at the time. IM not going that route again, although I care about him, and probably will even a tiny bit for the rest of my life. Mike was getting drunk at SIU. Hes cool to talk to, but seemed very uninterested in our last conversation, so I probablly wont be calling him. He can call me unless he never wants to talk to me again, and that would be a shame. Mr Jameson called me. Hes doing well for himself i guess. Got some big plans. Im sure everyone will know soon enough. Josie! I love josie, havent seen her in awhile though, need to stop by the old folks home sometimes soon to catch her. we have conflicting schedules at school. Im still working at that god be damned doctors office. (for those of you who have the desire to understand my hatred for this place...read my previous enteries) they wont let me leave! Ive got a whole new purpose for going there, work I shouldnt be allowed to do. Whatever, i need cash, im poor. Well my bank stole a bunch of my money recently, Ive gotta deal with that soon. chow for now

Mood: loved

  2004.09.27  13.40
funny test

Paranoid:Very High
Schizotypal:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High
Narcissistic:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Mood: busy

  2004.09.26  00.44
dont drink the chocolate milk!

Ok so I finally decided to update this thing again. How bout it. Im in college, Im STILL working that same doctors office job. What a fucking bummer.I cant leave, they hired someone to replace me, but I have to work there still for some reason. What the hell is that? Walden Books wanted a second interview with me today, but i never called them back. I was kinda freaked out by the first interview, really creepy hunch backed geeks, a small room in the back of the store with a phone interveiw where the #3 button stuck(number three means no), they probably think ive commited murder or stolen office supplies or something. anyway, i had a show last night at Big Horse Lounge. I had a sinus infection so it was semi-painful but I had a good time. The digital kill was the only other band playing there with us. We booked the show. Midway Story didnt show up, and thankfully because im sure their crowd would not be interested, seeing as we arent a punk band. I got a show at Bottom Lounge with Terminal Bliss. Im really excited about it because I like that band. They sound like a mix of Depeche Mode and the Cure. We may have another Zone show at the end of the month too. That depends on whether we get sponsered or not. I think things are going well. My guitarist got sick with monohepatitis, hes fine now. He got better the day before yesterday and now feels better than I do. My drummer fucked up his knee and wont be able to play again till January. We have tom filling in though. We may have Tom and Zack switch off playing shows with us. Its nice to have good musicians willing to help out, without benefiting from it. Im working on a new press kit. The band is slowly becoming the center of my life. I go to school, i think about music, i go to work, i think about music... Its the one thing that I have complete control over and I like it. I bought the second dvd set of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Its amusing. Kept me entertained all day, its nice to relax for awhile. I have a court date next week wednesday for an accident I was involved in a few weeks ago. Some ditzy bitch hit a car behind me, and they hit me... Cops wanted my insurance card, my daddy couldnt find it because we just recently moved and it was lost, I have an updated one so they should throw out that lovely ticket they gave me. either way i need to have that ditzy bitche's insurance company pay for my visit at the palos ER. That is all Chow for Now

Mood: restless

  2004.07.20  00.28
The big come down, isnt that what you wanted?

AT this very moment I am so pissed off..... Lets try and look at the bright side of things. I had an interesting weekend. I went to band practice saturday. My bass player got fucked up thursday and his mom was on a rampage. She told him he couldnt do anything, but he came over and practiced anyway. I cant remember the last time I actually wasnt allowed to leave my house because mommy said so, but its his life. I played a game of basketball against my band. I hip checked steve into the garage. Im pretty violent, but its the only way i stay in the game. Everyones taller than i am so i cant really get around them unless i throw them off to the side. Sunday i went to great america with erin. We had a blast. I thought about inviting certain people but theyve already gone this year...without inviting me...and to that i say fuck them. We had a little mishap though. We got stuck on the American Eagle...thought we were gonna die for sure, and then the guys behind us were talking about canibalism.....just a little bit worried about that, but the ride took off at twice the speed totally kicked my ass and then we decided to stop getting in line for it. After we were done at great america we stopped by mikes to have him pop a dent out of erins car. He has the know how, and he sucessfully completed the task. We had him follow us back out to where we live and we went to dennys with miguel. We spent quite a long time there actually. I got to see my waiter, dave. Hes nuts and hates his customers, but that makes him special...or honest. Now mikes sick :( its not my fault though. He probably just didnt get enough sleep...or food or something. Im not sick. Im just angry. very angry. I really want to just shut my self off from the rest of the world. I dont know if its a chemical imbalance but right now im very pesimistic about alot of things. nothing to do nowhere to go and i hate it. Its not the kinda free time that one would enjoy. I dont feel like cleaning or...working on anything. I just want to go somewhere and do something and right now I think everyone one the planet has abandoned me. Maybe its just that fucking drama that flares up everyso often. Whatever it is i dont like it. Jon is at the top of my pist list. It usually only takes something small to make me snowball into a big massive structure of hatred. Ill get over it.chow

Mood: angry

  2004.07.15  21.28
words like violence, break the silence.....

Been busy lately. Had a show saturday night at synergy in dekalb. We were booked with some crazy bands. Saw lots of cokeheads. I guess thats to be expected though. It seemed like the crowd loved us. They told Larry he did a good job and all he did was carry our guitars for us. Damn... we must have played well. I saw the video. The sound guy did an awesome job mixing us. Lots of lights and the venue was beautiful. The best yet. We got an offer from another guy to play the bottom lounge. I think thats really cool. He saw an old ad in the illinois entertainer. I knew that was good promotion. We sold some stuff on Saturday and got alot of people to sign up for our mailing list. Kyles mom sold the shirts for us, she actually walked around with them which is what we needed someone to do. An old drunk guy told us he couldnt afford a shirt so he bought a sticker and stuck it on his shirt. SMART MAN hehe. the shirt is $10 and the sticker is $1. Anywho.. I ran into erin the other night when i went up to huck finns to meet up with Mr.Jameson. I hadnt seen her since fourth of july when some of her friends were trying to blow us up. That was really cool. And my old friend steve came out of nowhere and jumped the fence to visit for a few minutes, he went back to california the next morning to enjoy his time in the marines ha! Jameson promised me food Saturday and came through. I got to vent to him about some important goings on. It was fun. I was too damn tired after that to do anything. I talked to Matthew. Former tv bass player. I guess he misses me. To tell you the truth I miss him too. We used to see each other 3 times a week for like 2 years straight and now we havent talked since he left the band. he was mad at us and wouldnt let me explain that we didnt replace him ahead of time. I really wanted him to stay, but sometimes you can just tell when someone is loosing interest. He wants to hang out sometime which makes me feel worlds better because I thought i lost him as a friend. I have a similar feeling about Josie. I wanted to talk to her on her birthday, I even called jon up and said we should stop by, but then i remembered she quit and was mighty pissed off about the whole thing when she did. I was devistated that she did that even after i gave her a play by play plan to fix the whole thing. She kinda abandoned me and I wasnt ready to talk about it. I knew if i went over there to give her her gift id have to talk about it. Its been hell trying to put the band back together in time for the synergy show It wont be the same as before, it will most likely be me and a bunch of guys. I want to do music so im not just gonna ditch the project. I never though josie would do that either. But shes been acting like it didnt matter much to her for awhile even before she quit. Its true she was leaving shows early...like matt was. I cant argue that. She brought charlie with to practice, and i even called it once that she was going to say "he needed to leave" before they took off an hour into practice. As predictable as it had become, i still wished for the best, it wasnt the same anymore because i didnt feel like everyone who was there wanted to be there, there wasnted dinner after practice anymore and I suppose its just better this way. I need time to cope with the changes. Eric has taken the time out of his o so busy schedule to talk to me. I called him the other day and he answered...which was not expected. We caught up a little. he said that he didnt really need to catch up with me, everything involves jeff goldblum and pepsi. He thinks im going to buy him dinner for some reason, completely random.And as always hes keeping valuable information from me. It may not be valuable at all, but he likes to play games and Im going to make him talk. Because i had been patching things up with everyone, i felt the need to call jerry up. It was more like a test to see if he was still afraid of me. Sure in the past i was insane...and maybe even threatening, but now? I was downright pleasant to him the last ive talked to him and there is no reason for fear.... so i called and he didnt answer, but i left a very PLEASANT message for him and it seems as soon as he got to his voice mail he called me back. Cute. He was in New Orleans, probably with jessica I wonder if hes calling her jen now...hrmmm but anyways he seemed allright with me, he told me he was gonna be home by monday. Im glad that he wasnt being his usual self serving cocky self. Were all good now. Watched a lot of TV with Mike. I never watch television... We watched poker, fear factor, i love the 90's, played zelda..or at least he did, terminator 3, farenheit 9-11, amazing animal stories, and probably more than that, but just know there was a lot of television watching going on. OH yeah and we devoured all the pepsi in his house. He hogged all the cheese crackers and blamed it on me too.::shakes fist:: We popped a dent out of my car with his friend mike2. Uhm...what else...theres always a fight here and there, never verbal though. had a good time. Hes really cool. They found another possible replacement for me at work so now its back to job serching. I think lorrie wants to fire judy and have me at the front desk but i cant handle the hours. It would be a real job, and lorrie rather have that money go to me so i can eat once and awhile. true story. Im on to bigger and better things i guess. I have school around the corner, COLLEGE! seems like I graduated eighth grade just the other day. guess not. Its weird. A guy i knew from highschool just died a couple weeks ago. He was cool, and its just 2 years after my other friend died. Same reason too. I cant imagine what it would be like to not have tomorrow. Sometimes it doesnt bother me:)

Mood: apathetic

  2004.06.23  01.00
he called me jessica...whats up with that?(just a random thought)

So im trying to adjust as much as one can. It feels crazy. I talked to mike last night at like 2 am, and told him to come over. He said he had work the next day so i just dropped it, but then he said he would come over. I had no complaints. We watched some Jurassic Park and i got my Jeff Goldblum Fix. In the morning we ate some poptarts. I havent heard from him all day. I made him late for work so he probably hates me hehe. I hope he doesnt get fired. I made it to work early and that sucked. im the one whos trying to get fired.We got some band t shirts. They are pretty. I gave one to my mom today after we went to open a bank account. I dont have as much money in there as i expected to have, but whatever. I havent heard from Jameson or Eric in a long time, but i was a bitch to both of them so it figures. Oh well, i stopped dating them for a reason. Theyre good guys though, dont get me wrong and Im glad theyre both moving on. Too nice to me, smothering almost but still good and I dont wish good things on many people. Im struggling to write a song. The only thing really stuck in my head is how every time i was hanging out with Jerry he called me Jessica. Like dude...you obviously miss the girl. He said how horrible she was every time i saw him,now he says how pretty she is and how foolish he was.Good for him, but hes only gonna hurt himself, whether its through drugs, or maybe the next time she sleeps with one of his best friends. They can go be drug addicts together and when they achieve the status of junkie, she can screw his friends for money to get them by. Its a perfect match really. I never expected anything out of him so im not disappointed,at least not in relation to me but its a relief that hes so fucked up now. I dont have to feel bad about our past anymore. I came out ahead. I felt bad that I lost my self respect to him but Ive learned since then and I dont need to feel sorry for myself about it. Is it wrong that im constantly weighing pros and cons with everything? I never jump into anything without any control. Maybe its because Ive grown up around people who have fucked up their whole lives beyond repair and im trying to do the most selfish thing so that i dont end up like them. whether its wrong or right im slowly begining to think that im a heartless person. Nothing phases me.

Mood: predatory

  2004.06.18  02.22
cha cha cha cha changes

AN UPDATE!! I just got my comp set up at my new place. Yes I moved. Its been real crazy since graduation. I dont know one thing about my life thats really the same as last week... Josie quit the band. Im still in shock over that one. I dont know what happened, its like i left and five minutes later all hell broke loose. Im sure both sides were at fault but even with that being said I dont aprove of some of the things steve said to her, ill talk to him about that later. so my world is upsidedown. Im going to moraine valley community college officially. I moved right down the street from it so yay me and yay college. Ive got a big show comming up july 10th. we have to hurry up and figure shit out cause that could make or break the metro. I want the metro....badly. our tshirts are done, steve picked them up yesterday. i guess thats a good thing. we need to update the site some more, im coming up with designs. I had a grad party a week or so ago. I got lots o money but it still wont be enough for what i need it for. erin kyle and jerry showed. Kind of a good time. I cant complain. Ive hung out with jerry a few times lately. hes a funny guy. Not as great as i thought he was though. Kinda disappointing. the first couple of times we hung out were fun, but then it got boring when we just sit around and then i fall asleep while he plays pool with gruby or sits on the phone. Last time i just wanted to get out of there. he was working on a website and just ignored the fact that i was visiting. Fuck that. My time is too valuable for that shit. On a lighter note, me and mike are getting along allright. He came out to one of my shows. I didnt think hed show up but he did. I told him not to if he didnt want to. We went out to eat with jon and kyle afterwards. it was cool. Hes an honest guy. its hard to find that these days. I know that jerry is manipulative and cocky....i dont like that. He lies for sure, or hes not honest with himself about certain things. Its sad really, but mike is straight forward responsible and has a good sense of humor. One of those people im glad i met by chance. I talked to erin today. Ive got to tell her about keanu reeves coming to town. We may kidnap him. Im sure shed be up for it. Ive got to get my sandals from her too....hrmmm but yeah shes being a good friend. she invited me bowling and stuff. very cool. I didnt go cause i got the message too late. i went out to see the movie saved. it was pretty cool. the message seemed like it switched from religious humor to lets all be friends. I dont know it left a bad taste in my mouth so to speak. but it was funny and that has to count for something. I may be getting a job making 13 dollars an hour. cross your fingers. its closer to where i live too. fun fun. I hope it works out, i want butloads of cash. well anyways. Im gonna get going to bed. ta ta

Mood: crushed

  2004.05.11  08.42
Back on track..

Wow, i guess I feel its safe to post again. Why not, gives me something to do these last few days of school. I have show saturday at Q Billiards. Thats right Im a rockstar who wants my autograph ? ;) Ive been recording alot lately. Last night I talked to Whora online. What a bitch. She has no idea how easily I could destroy her life. Oh well shell learn. I promised her I would bring her some birth control pamphlets.. arent i nice? I also had a conversation with Jerry, he has a DUI...enough said. I picked up Josie and went to Morraine Valley for a campus tour after work. I like the place, its clean and Ill know people there. Better than south sub. Mikes been home for 4 days and hasnt called me. Im worried. Eric wants me to come out to see him, hes trying lure me there by promising me food and pepsi. I might actually go if I wasnt sure that my car would blow up, it likes to that on the way home from erics house. Pretty soon all of that should be fixed. I have 5 days of school left. HOLY SHIT! I may actually make it out of here. AND I found someone who wants my job. her name is leslie and she can have it! Im so excited. This girl is gonna hate me when its all over. I cant wait for her to be the one working her ass off. It ought to be splendid.....(the first time ive ever used that word) So yeah, im gonna sit back and watch my life change. Im excited. I do however, need a new job. I dont have much more to say. Jon is hangin around still. Hes my buddy sometimes. Im starting to think hes moved in with me hahaha. He buys me food too so Im not gonna complain. I went to prom Friday. yeah thats right, i went. It was pretty cool.I wore a black and silver dress that i thought was awesome. then I Just sat around watching people "dance" (aka dry f*ck) it was gross. The food was allright. We went downtown in a Limo afterwards to the cheesecake factory. To my surprise it wasnt a factory...nor did it have a whole lot to do with cheesecake. It was fancy and the the bathroom was like a maze. I didnt know what door i entered the room in and a got scared. We took a carriage ride around chicago for fun and stopped by buckingham fountain. It wasnt on but we went there anyway. Then we went home, i slept in the limo and Lori accidently took my wallet. She still has it. Ive been driving around without it lol. It was almost a perfect night, nothing unusual happened. For your information...I just went home afterwards NOTHING ELSE! im not traditional. Nor did i have the opportunity to do so because I was alone. In other news, matt hasnt been to practice in over a month. Thats no good, i need to talk to him before we just end it there, hes the type to think that he only needs to practice the day before a show. I dont know what to do about this. Ill deal with that when i have to. Other than that I made a new friend. His name is Kyle. He is a Junior at my school and in my psychology class. Smart boy and good musician. Its not a crush or anything. Trust me I dont go for the younger boys, its just nice that I made a new friend. Of course it has to be right before I graduate lol son of a bitch, oh well. Im gonna go fail a test now. chow

Mood: nervous

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